this day

I ponder cruelty. It fosters anger. The pondering, not merely the cruelty itself.
I host confusion. Can there be anything else? Is it not always inexplicable?
I fend off helplessness. Feeling the pointlessness of everything, and nothing.
I suppress regret. Noticing what was rather than what wasn’t, is better….no?
I reminisce. Just.
I notice fear. The kind that dissipates with time, but you could think it shouldn’t.
I condemn assumption. Telling myself never to take anything for….
I hope for realisation. Realising now is not the same as realisation.
I see tiredness. It remains.
I try to see that which I never will again. I really won’t.

update: I tell myself to hug gratitude close.

4 thoughts:

Penny Lane Monday, July 25, 2005  

Noticing what was rather than what wasn’t, is better….no?

It is better (better to have loved and lost and all that jazz) but it doesnt really make one feel any better!!

Anonymous Monday, July 25, 2005  

I know- it is, Penny lane, better to focus on what was. But when that which was (who was) can never again physically be, it's hard to be pragmatic.
And no, this is not about unrequieted love...

livinghigh Thursday, July 28, 2005  

a-ha! sounds like u had a very busy day! ;-)

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