15.3.10

Vague Wonder & The Princess of Trouble

When I woke it was raining. I half-opened my eyes and sensed a vague but insistent downpour. It fell upon the trees outside with a gentle, even loving, force. I lay there with my body still, my mind wading through a crush of burning love. Lashing out at me from the recesses of a fickle heart, caressing despite a violent force- keeping me from sleep and keeping me from waking. I was slowly lulled by a dark spell, embracing me in its thrilling folds, pushing me into a dreamy sleep.

Thunder rumbled. Had it been a few moments, or an hour? The rain was relentless. That dark place had not let go of me. Even now, I stood at its threshold- looking out from within, as if I might fall out. Fall out into a light that hurt my eyes. But I wanted to go back to that pitch black, where I couldn't see myself. To slip back into that ill-advised enchantment. I turned from one to the other, standing on that precipice, but I couldn't tell if the abyss lay before me or behind me. It didn't matter, the choice was not mine.

The constant pitter-patter was a rough lullaby, but the cackling bursts and their hideous beauty kept me awake. I could see her beckoning visage, but I didn't know if she was in the flashes of light outside, or in the soft darkness beside me. I didn't know if she was calling out to me plaintively from the shadows, or softly whispering from the blinding glare. Were her pleas real, or her demands?
Was the rain still falling, or was I dreaming again? I tossed and turned between light and dark; seeing her first in one, then the other. Did I sleep, or am I still trying to? Can I wake, or am I just going to drift away?

I am awake, the rain has stopped. The storm has passed, but the grey remains. The spell still hovers, I am still groggy, she awaits in the shadows.
It is a new day, but nothing has changed, really.

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